Today is the day! It is January 10, and I am moving my parents from Georgia, in the sunny South, where they have lived for most of their lives, to Iowa, where it is 10 degrees today. The moving truck left yesterday with most of what is left of their belongings, and today we fly.
Maybe I am crazy, trying to fly with two 90-something parents with dementia. I couldn’t see them surviving a 14-hour car ride, so this was the only viable option. The only direct flight is in the evening, arriving at 10pm. Not the greatest time to arrive, but the nursing home and the Independent/Assisted Living facility both agreed to accept them at this late hour, so here we go.
I grab a quick breakfast, pack up my backpack, and survey the duplex for any essentials we have forgotten. It is time to say good-bye to the things we have decided to leave behind, thankful that Jack will take care of disposing of the rest after we are gone, and I head over to the nursing home.
Packing up
I go to Mama’s room first, and give her a big hug. It is a big day of change for her. She has her suitcases mostly packed, and I help her finish up. Oh, but there are these two blankets she forgot about. Oh, well. They won’t fit in the suitcase, so we will carry them over our arms. She has her big suitcase, with the essential clothing and supplies that will get her through the week until the moving truck arrives, and her “little square makeup case.” It is not a convenient carry-on, like the roller bags of today, but she has traveled with it as long as I have been alive, and it makes her feel more secure.
Then down to see Daddy. He has no idea what is going on, though I have explained it to him, but he is always glad to see me. They have him dressed and ready. I finish packing his suitcase and make sure we have everything. By now it is lunch time, and the aide helps him eat while I go to the nurse’s station. They have to check them both out and give me all of their meds.
This is a longer process than I had anticipated, but we finally have everything in two big plastic bags. They tell me exactly what to give Daddy on the trip, and provide all of the rest with instructions for the facilities on the other end. By now I am in a swivet, as all of the plans are on a tight schedule, and I feel like I am behind. Calm down, it will be okay. Stress Away. Breathe. Smile.
On the way
Kay brings Jack to go with us. I give a last hug to her and the little ones, grateful that I had a chance to see them, and very grateful that my son-in-law is able to travel with us to help take care of Daddy along the way. The medical transport is here, and it is time to go. I gather Mama with her walker, her suitcases, coat, and two extra blankets. Jack gets Daddy and his suitcase, and we start loading everything into the medical transport van.
They roll Daddy’s wheelchair onto the van and find that it will not fit into the wheelchair clamps. Plan B. They move him from the wheelchair into a seat and leave the wheelchair here. I wonder if we could have just gone in a car and saved the transport cost. Oh, well. Everything and everybody else is loaded; good-bye to the nurses, and off we go!
At the airport
The first leg of our journey is done, and we arrive at the airport. We have arrived three hours ahead of our flight on purpose, because there are so many unknowns about getting through the airport and onto our flight. So we hit the first snag. The two wheelchairs and attendants we have requested are not available. The transport waits while we search for help, and we finally locate one wheelchair and no attendants. Okay, we can make this work. Mama can sit on her walker, and I can push it. Her makeup case goes in her lap. Daddy gets the wheelchair, and Jack pushes.
We push, pull, and drag all of the luggage to the nearest check-in point. Their two big suitcases go to check, and we pull out tickets and IDs. And here we have our second snag. Daddy’s driver’s license has expired. Okay, he is 95 years old and legally blind. He does not drive. The picture is clearly him. Nope. He has to have a valid ID, or he can’t fly.
I feel the whole elaborate plan collapsing around me. We will have to call the nursing home and see if they can take them back again, call the transport back to pick us up and take us back, cancel the transport and move-in on the other end, cancel the plane tickets, and plan and pay for it all again when we can get a new ID. AAAACK! I can feel the cascade of cortisol coursing through my whole body. Breathe. Think. Are there any options?
Find a way
I am holding Daddy’s wallet. Is there any other ID that will work? I have his Medicare card. Nope, it has to have a picture. Credit cards, insurance cards, wait! Here is his military ID. It has a picture. The picture is 40 years old and doesn’t really look like him at this point, but it is worth a try. It says, “Does not expire.” I hand it to the guy at the desk. Yep, that works. Aaahh! Relax, breathe; it is going to work.
Okay, bags are checked. On to the next step of the journey. We check the time and decide to wait here for a little while to see if the other wheelchair will show up. There is a little waiting area nearby, so we all rest a bit.
After a while, another wheelchair and one attendant show up. Okay, we’ll go with that. I push the walker with the makeup case, coats, and blankets. Jack pushes Daddy’s wheelchair, the attendant pushes Mama’s wheelchair, and we head for the security checkpoint.
Security checkpoint
This is where it really feels like a dog and pony show. Two computers come out, 4 quart bags of toiletries, 4 winter coats, 4 pairs of shoes, 3 blankets, 2 backpacks, and a partridge in a pear tree. I feel like we have blocked up the conveyor belt for miles. I brought a wooden cane for Mama, so she can walk through the metal detector. They push her wheelchair through, then she walks through with the cane and gets back in the wheelchair on the other side. I hand them the walker, which they push through, then I go through and retrieve the walker.
Daddy can’t walk, so he will have to be patted down. A nice gentleman takes his wheelchair and tells me to take my time, and he will wait with Daddy over here until I am done, and then examine him after the rest of us are through. Everything goes through without a problem, but I am still in a tizzy getting it all back together again. I dash over to where Daddy is sitting, and the man says calmly, “Take it easy. Go ahead and get your shoes back on. We will wait.” Okay. Calm. Breathe. Shoes.
All right, I’m ready. Jack sits with Mama and the attendant while I go back to Daddy. The agent starts patting him down. Of course, Daddy has no idea what is going on. When the agent’s hand gets under his back-side, he starts going, “Buh-buh-buh-buh-BUH,” very loudly. The guy hurries. He does it again on the other side. Then it is over, and we are approved. Breathe. On to the next challenge.
We get to ride a train!
It is nice to have the attendant with us, because she knows where everything is. We go down the elevator to the subway train that will take us out to the concourse. You have to be ready to jump on quickly, because the doors open for a set period of time and then close. Our group moves a little slowly, but we line up and get ready by where the doors will be.
We all jump forward as soon as the doors open, and get everyone onto the train. I make sure that Mama’s wheelchair is facing forward, as she tends to get motion sickness, and I find a place to sit near her on the ledge at the back of the car. Jack explains to Daddy that we will be riding the train out to the gate. A train! Daddy has always loved trains, and his face lights up like a kid in a candy store. He is having a great adventure, and he gets to ride a train!
People are polite about making room for the wheelchairs and walker to get off of the train, and we arrive at the concourse. Our gate is at the very far end, but we have plenty of time. There are still two hours before our flight, and the gate is not in use at the moment, so we have room to spread out comfortably in the seats right in front of the gate. Daddy stays in his wheelchair, but Mama transfers into a chair to wait, and the attendant leaves with the second wheelchair.
Eating
The next challenge is supper. I sit with Mama and Daddy, while Jack goes off in search of food. I am SOOO glad that he could come along for this trip!!! He is a lifesaver. If I had been alone with them, I suppose that the attendant would have stayed while I got food, but I am more comfortable staying with them myself. Jack goes down the entire concourse, surveying the meal options, and comes back with something that each person can eat.
Everyone’s dinner is different, and Jack has done a great job of finding something that each person would like. Feeding Daddy is always a bit of a challenge, but he is in a good mood, so it goes pretty well. We all get fed and cleaned up, and it is time for Daddy’s meds. We try to time them so that he will be awake for boarding, but will likely sleep for a good bit of the flight.
Boarding
The gate attendants show up to prepare for our flight. They come over to us to verify who is where and what help is needed. Everyone is very nice and helpful. As soon as the plane is ready, we are the first to board. We gather up all of our assorted stuff. My roller bag and the walker are gate checked. Daddy is transferred to a boarding chair, which is a narrow wheelchair with no arms that can fit down the aisle of the plane.
We have been assigned to Row 1, the bulkhead row, because it has more foot room. But the arm on the outside of the bulkhead row doesn’t lift up, and it is too hard to get Daddy over the arm and into the seat. They move us to Row 2. This is one of the blessings of loading handicapped people first! They can make adjustments as needed. The arm lifts up, and they can slide Daddy into the seat. We slide him over to the window seat, and Jack takes the aisle seat next to him. This way Daddy won’t be bothered by other people coming up and down the aisle.
Mama and I also move to Row 2, with her by the window and me on the aisle. I check the seat back pockets and see that we have only one airsick bag for the two of us. I ask the stewardess if there are more. She looks at me for a second, then her eyes light up in understanding, and she brings me several. Smelling Peppermint helps, but it is good to be prepared. Hopefully we won’t need them. I don’t mention the issue to Mama. I think she has forgotten about motion sickness, so I just hope it has forgotten about her, too.
Flying
Everyone else boards, and we take off. Daddy is asleep before we even leave the ground. Mama and I chat along the way, and I try to keep her mind busy. She enjoys the Coca-cola and crackers that are provided, which give her something to do. We go over all the plans of who is going where, when.
Meanwhile, my husband and kids are going over to Mama’s new home and setting up some of our furniture for her first week. She gets the single bed that was Lynn’s before she went off to college, along with Lynn’s sheets and bedspread, my recliner, and a folding table and chair. We have ordered a new raised commode chair for her toilet. We also ordered a new wheelchair for Daddy, like the one he had at the previous nursing home. He needs the high back to support his head and the adjustment options.
By the time Daddy wakes up, the clouds have cleared, the sky is pitch black, and you can see a million stars. He is once again that little boy on a great adventure, and he enjoys seeing all of the stars. Soon you can see cities below, and he is having a grand time. We worried so much about how he would do on the trip, and he is doing great!
I am worrying about the landing, as that is often when I get sick. Just picture me and Mama both getting sick on the way down. I needn’t have worried. God is clearly managing our trip. The pilot makes the smoothest landing I have ever experienced on any plane anywhere, and we are down. I make sure to thank the pilot on the way out.
Arriving
We arrive at the airport and reverse the whole procedure. Slide Daddy over, lift the arm, slide him into a boarding chair, roll out and transfer to the waiting wheelchair. Mama walks out with the cane until we get to her wheelchair. This time there are two wheelchairs and two attendants waiting for us. Jack and I have backpacks and Mama’s square case, winter coats and blankets from the overhead bins. I retrieve the walker and roller bag from gate check, pile everything on the walker and out we go.
Craig has come to meet us, and we go pick up the luggage. The medical transport is here for Daddy. We roll his wheelchair onto the van and transfer him into a seat. Then the driver tells us that the heater broke in his van today. Yikes! It is 10 degrees outside and there is no heat. It is a good thing we have those extra blankets!!! The Lord provides when we have no idea of the need. We wrap Daddy in blankets and Jack rides with him to his new nursing home.
On to a new home
Craig drives Mama and me to her new home, an Independent/Assisted Living facility three doors down the street from Daddy’s nursing home. It is all set up with the minimal furniture that will get her through the week until the moving van arrives. Craig has her key, since he was over here earlier getting it set up, so all she has to do is go in and get ready for bed. He stays with her while I run over and check on Daddy.
Daddy is all set in his new nursing home. The nurses have everything under control. I kiss him night-night, then Jack comes back with me and rides home with Craig, while I stay to spend that first night with Mama, so she won’t be all alone in a new place. My family brought over an old folding metal cot for me to sleep on, but they didn’t realize that a couple of the springs were missing in the middle, so when I lie down on it, I fall through in the middle. We have a few laughs as I struggle to get out again. That won’t work, so I just put the bedding on the floor and sleep there.
It has been a full, exhausting day, but we did it! With plenty of God’s help, I have successfully moved my aging parents over 800 miles. They are now safely settled in places where they will be better cared for, and where I can see them every week! I can watch over their care and help them, and my children can see their grandparents. They are far from their long-time home, but close to mine. For now, this is the best solution, and I am at peace.
Whatever your situation, with God’s help, you can find a way!
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